About Teh Fakery
Real Fakery
Beware of fakes! Only genuine "The Fakery" fakes are 99.9% fake whereas other fakes may be only half fake, or all fake, or not. Beware, also, of fake fakes, the copies of fakes, although they are impossible to tell apart so, you know, just be aware of that. This site does have fake fakes of fakes, which are 33.3% fake each. Beware also of fake "The Fakery" fakes, some of which are difficult to tell if they are fake (or fake fakes) or not, but which are.
Everything is fake, even the fake stuff has been faked. Nothing is real. If you think it's real, or think reality is a good starting point, it's not. Look at anything carefully and see it isn't what you think it is. The virtual dimension doesn't exist without the digital circuitry to interpret it, so that's not real and anyway reality is probably 30% real at best. In this sea of fake fakiness, an island of pure, unadulterated fake, so fake that fake things look only slightly fake. Faking extreme fake is easy to fake, as evidenced by the statement "To extreme is easy" before all the extra fake was added.
Fake Fakery
The first act of fake is simply to say it's real. The important part is that people believe you. Take anything and say, "This is a fake! Fraudulent forgery!" and people will say, Hmm, this person is really good. I would never have guessed. Or get someone to point and say "This person is an impostor!" - equally good. Then pick up any fake thing and declare "This one is real!" and people will applaud. You will not know if it is geniune applause, but that's not important.
The question asked most often is, "How can I tell if this is / I am fake or not?". To answer this, we refer to the above section which states everything is fake. You are fake, your relationships are fake, everything is fake. It's nothing to worry about because it doesn't matter. The term "real" only applies to this moment, now, insofar as you can use this as a platform to evaluate fake.
Fake is better anyway. Blonde hair, usually, is fake. Other colours are also fake. But we love these things no matter how fake we know them to be. Once you accept the sheer fakeness of everything, you can move on to master of fake and controller of destiny. Be prepared for fake fulfilment and fake accolades from loads of attractive, fake people. Actual fulfilment is real and therefore not covered in this section.
Fakelosophy
Long, long ago, in 350 BC, a chap called Aristotle (they didn't have surnames then) predicted the year zero would be in 350 years' time, leading many to believe he was a time traveller. He would tell fantastic tales from the future, mostly concerning young naked girls for some reason In fact, he was a fake time traveller, so to conceal this, he invented Fakelosophy. Anyone who could expose him as fake, he could expose them first, plus his new title and vocation sounded very academic and grand, so nobody bothered to question it.
Almost two thousand years later, in his 1644 runaway bestseller "Principles of Fakelosophy", René Descartes declared that everything that wasn't reason was fake. His reasoning was pro-fake and anti-reason, the reason for the real fake reason was that the reasoning behind the real reason wasn't reasonably fake. The fakelosophy was disowned by the real Descartes when he eventually surfaced, which inadvertently proved the claim and made the book more popular.
About a hundred years later (apparently), David Hume, in his famous "Treatise of Human Fakeness ", founded the central fakelosophy that the aim of existence is to fake it. To prove his point, in 1735, he slept with his sister, then changed his name from Home to Hume so he wouldn't get into trouble. This proved popular amongst his many other sisters who would take turns alternately licking and beating him to get him in the mood. Aside from "Home" Hume also went by Hame, Heme, Hyme, Hime, Huime, Hewme and Heume (and on isolated occasions, "Doctor Pain" )
A short fifty years later, in 1785, it was Immanuel Kant who argued that space and time are fake, and that all we can do is see them but never know how real they are. He discovered his family was fake, and this blew his mind, so he quickly established three fake families in different time zones. "This proves fake is real" he claimed, in a haze of exhaustion.
Another hundred years on, in 1874, Frederich Nietzsche (a.k.a. "Freddy Nothing") concluded that fake was real, and real was nothing. To prove his point, he went mad, which his wife described as 'inconvenient' until she converted the house into a brothel. With "Mad Freddy"' on guard, his wife and daughters operated a highly successful enterprise in the relative peace of knowing that everything is probably fake anyway.
Fakelosophy went into decline around 1900 as photography was invented and pornography replaced fakelosophy as an academic pursuit. Don't worry if you're not a great fakelosopher, no one is. All the famous names were just good at faking it, simply because back then there was no other way of getting it done.
Fakeology
The study of fake (or the fake studies of fake, or faking the faking of fake studies of studies of studying fakes) has its origins around 150 BCE when Egyptian merchants would try and con Romans into giving them their women. During the reign of Antonius Fakerius (Antonio Augustus Fakus) (161-138BCE) the senate noticed the dwindling number of women and found out they were being used as bribes to obtain food, clothing, arms, ammunition and unwanted children. Antonius set up the Federali Investigatissmo Alloro Librepronto (FAIL) to try and get the women back.
The FAIL doctrine pressed on to modern times, aligning itself with the addage "Profit at any cost", but only emerged as an academic pursuit in commerce during the 1960's.
Fakeotomy & Fakeotomology
No, those words don't exist but for a short while you thought they did, and that's all fake right there. No artificial fake, no famous theories or world-changing falgorithms, just raw-as-dirt slap-in-the-face pants-off eyewatering sortof fake.
FAKEATOMY vs FAKEOTOMY (disambiguation)
Fakeatomy, of course, is real; as many fake doctors know, fake anatomy is crucial to understanding the fake body and resurrecting the dead ones. Fake bodies die all the time so a large component of Fakeatomy Studies are the various techniques for reanimation. One semester is spent just generating lightning in the event of accidental fakeilure. Students go on to be Doctor of Fakeatomy and Surgeon of Fakeatomy, the latter course often sliced down to just a few modules, then sewn up again so it looks like nothing happened.
Fakeotomy, on the other hand, is the study of the pretense of having performed, or endured, the amputation of the frontal lobe of the brain. The pretense itself is very simple, so typical Fakeotomic studies conclude within 5 years, or seven seconds as you wait for the Fake Certificate to print. Not to be confused with Fakebottomy, Faketittomy or Faketottomy.
Fakeotomological studies are concerned with the simulated study of pretending to make fake pictures of fake insects. The two-part course deals with common methods of faking insects and newer, virtual techniques making the fake insects look even less fake or be even more fake as a consequence. The faketographc part of the course demonstrates how to generate fake pictures thru various fake processes, both invented and fictional.
A Master of Fakeotonomic Faketomology is known as a special needs case or sometimes suffers from nervous breakdown, possibly owing to the nonstop screaming of the phrase "I'm a fucking Senior Fakeotonomic Faketomologist Class One, you uneducated inbred retard"
The fake news is more entertaining and more agreeable than real news.
Fakectomy & Fakemacology
It is widely acknowledged in medical circles that the acceptance of a prosthesis to replace an amputated part is aided by the cultvation of a ghost appendage. Without the idea of the fake limb, the old limb struggles to pass on its knowledge to the new limb. This interdependence we have with denial is known as the Study of Fakectomy. Like a placebo control capsule, the Fakectomatic person must believe thay have had an amputation in order to get well. The easiest way to deal with this is to inform the patient that their head was amputated (or their body, same thing), and hope the new head doesn't have the same hangups. Generally, the new head is worse than the old head, but we don't mention that.
For those talented fakers with a penchant for recreational drugs, a career in Fakemacology awaits. After two years of study, the student is able to claim some kinship with pharmaceuticals and find some manner of work at the back, stuffing pills into their jacket pockets, coat lining, fake heels, tog bag, mouth, nose, bra, ass, other people, cocktails, coffee or conveniently crushed up and arranged in short skinny lines on whatever smooth and vaguely level surface presents itself in a crowded bathroom stall.
Faketorectomy & Fakependectomy
Faketorectomy is deceiving others into thinking that one has had something surgically removed. Common things to remove surgically are Poor Taste, Bad Manners, Unsexiness, Age and Higher Brain Function. These can be faked to save the cost of the surgery and reset all former faux pas by writing them off to "being unwell".
An antifaketorectomist is a girl who wears a push-up bra but lets people believe she's had a boob job. A Fake-antifaketorectomist just tells people her boobs are bigger, and a Pseudofakeantifaketorectomist is a girl whose boobs suddenly got bigger for no reason. Men are said to be obstinately Anti-antipseudofakeantifaketorectomist, while those preoccupied with large breasts are known as Pro-pseudofakeantifaketorectomists.
Fakependectomy is the simulated removal of the Pendix, the seat of Fake and the ability to perceive its existence. Non-pendectomous people can not discern sarcasm and take everything literally.. Faking this entire deal is called Fakependectomy, or one may be said to be Fakependectemous (or Fakependectemonius / Fakependectitudinous), depending on the tense of the verb)
Fakerecipocitomographeotonology
It is very seldom that anyone can remember the title Professor of Fakerecipocitomographeotonology, so this chair in academia is known as Professor of Fake Boobs, a vacant title that's a lot easier to remember. And spell.
I shouldn't need to tell you, that's a fake word. However, pronounced correctly, it is vaguely plausible that it could be real , which is the seed of doubt. Now I shall return to my fakerecipocitomographeotonological duties without further delay.
Fakesemiphenolomogratohemimorphitoximoto-graphiphotononbigeointrasans-extraprecombinology
A qualification in this, er, field of study has the dubious reputation of requiring a roll of paper for the certificate. There is an associated field dedicated to working out what someone in this field actually does, but the name of that qualification is longer than this one and starts to pose problems with logic. In practice, the official title is "Some Sort of Expert", usually followed by whatever they might be expert at.
CONCLUSION
You should now have a good idea of just how much of your life is fake and how much more could be fake with a little effort. Naturally, you may opt to fake the additional fakery while advanced fakers would fake the faking of additional fakery, which is a lot easier.
☼ G o a t , 2 0 2 2
