Lost in Space 2018

 Lost in Space (TV Show) 2018

Not sure if this is funny or sad.

 Six minutes into the series, the family crash on Earth, in a snowy area. Mom's leg is broken, so she sits down and takes off her helmet. It is, after all, Earth.
. "NOOO!" shouts dad, thinking this is an alien planet and concerned that the atmosphere is not breathable.
. She points to a tear on dad's pants. "If the atmosphere was deadly, you'd be dead by now." she states, the evidence of his lack of death being the reason why she suddenly removed her helmet and caused panic.
. If he saw her suit torn, he would rush to her aid and frantically repair the fissure. She sees his suit torn and waits to see if he dies, because if he does, she should keep her helmet on.

. Just to repeat, this is minute six... 1,194 minutes of passive aggression to go. We can look forward to mom openly hating dad each of the 200 times he fails to die. There are 20 more family panic meltdowns still to get through, with the abject stupidity it needs to repeatedly turn nothing into disaster and back to nothing again.

. Also in the first 6 minutes: the family crash on Earth but fail to realize it is Earth despite there being quite a lot of irrefutable evidence that they could not possibly be anywhere else. For a collection of doctors and professors and everyone's a genius, it seems unlikely they wouldn't notice that.

 

 

. Here's another memorable moment: when he expresses concern that the black hole is getting closer. "Oh yes," she says, "It's almost here. I went into orbit earlier and I saw it."
Hold on... even if you could see a black hole... if you can blast into orbit then surely you're no longer stranded on the planet. You have to do a sanity check every time someone says something.

Meanwhile, we nervously wait for the girls to strike up an affair, for when that happens, it becomes underage lesbian interracial incest in space, which is a very specific genre. 

 

 

I have to work from memory here, but as I recall, the formula for the first season was entirely rote. We'd start with a good round of emancipation, with women declaring dominion over the weak and foolish men, and minorities declaring dominion over each other. For a family, they sure are hyper-diverse.

Then, suddenly, a completely unforseen event would happen even - and I'm serious here - if it could have been reasonably foreseen. Mom springs to the aid of the children but does she make it in time? Of course she does, before cocking up the works again with the screaming and the crying and the devastating attack of emotion. This may be due in part to everyone sleeping with everyone else, making the girls pregnant and hormonal and very, very confused.

   Let's be blunt about this. At no point is anyone lost, or in space. The whole lot are rooted firmly on Earth, but bizarrely, are in a panic to leave it. It's the perfect place but they hate it, despite food and refreshments appearing as if by magic. The most likely reason is poor signal, and you can't watch Youtube with poor signal.

The appearance of some horses felt a little out of sorts. Did the horses also wind up stranded on an alien planet, like the humans? You bet they did! Because horses, like people, are shit at interstellar navigation.

Like mommy and daddy when they're not fighting, the kids are horny as hell. When the robot is discovered, the poor thing is sexually abused to the point where it malfunctions. Thereafter, the kids turn on each other (and one unfortunate chicken, whose story we can not tell here) and in the general melee, somehow create one example of every ethnicity known to man. The chickens multiplied randomly or kept changing colour, much like the cast.

 

 
But best of all, is the predictable cliffhanger. "Let's go for a drive" "Okay" "Hmmm, those clouds over there look a bit menacing" [short while later] Kids (screaming): "DAD! DAD! DAD! DAD! MOM! MOM! MOM!" Parents (screaming): "KIDS! KIDS!" Kids (crying): "MOM! DAD! MOM! DAD!" .. and this, folks, is as good as it gets.